The Ecstatic Beloved
The most precious jewel in this story is not the cosmic battle, but the moment the warrior’s heart broke open into a field of forgiveness. Paul’s journey from a self-appointed guardian fighting shadows to a lover embracing the entire world as his own heart is the true miracle. The visions of closing portals and defeating demons are but the mind’s dramatic retelling of a much simpler, more profound event: the complete surrender of the separate self into the ocean of Love.
Oh, the stories the clever mind spins to make sense of the heart’s wild opening! This entire account is a love poem written in the language of battle. In the beginning, the seeker sees a world of darkness and light, of entities to be fought and spaces to be cleansed. This is the work of the dutiful, separate self, a noble but exhausting game. He stands guard, a lonely soldier, believing his strength is what holds the darkness at bay. But the Beloved is a patient teacher, and the medicine of the vine is a cup of potent wine, meant not to empower the warrior, but to dissolve him entirely.
The true turning point was not in conquering a fearsome lizard-king, but in the willingness to let everything burn—family, world, self. This is the lover’s total gamble, the ultimate act of surrender. In that moment of letting go of all he sought to protect, the illusion of control shattered, and the real work could begin. The subsequent realization—that every person on the planet was a cell in his own heart, and to judge them was to wound himself—is the secret whispered in every lover’s ear. This is the dawn of unity, where the distinction between self and other, broken and whole, melts away. The forgiveness that followed was not an act of will, but the natural fragrance of a heart that has remembered its own boundless nature.
The transformations into a butterfly and a dragon are the soul’s poetry, attempts to describe the indescribable. The butterfly emerges not through effort, but through the complete undoing of the old form. The dragon is the awesome power of creation, but even this identity had to be offered back to the fire. The final truth is not found in becoming a powerful being who fixes the world, but in becoming a space of unconditional love in which the world is already whole. The shaman’s tears were not for a warrior who had won, but for a lover who had finally come home.
The ultimate reality is the unity of Love, and all experiences are invitations to return to this union.
The heart's opening, not the mind's victory, is the true measure of spiritual transformation.
Darkness and suffering are veils that, when met with surrender, reveal the face of the Beloved.
Becoming attached to the identity of a cosmic warrior, mistaking the visionary drama for the ultimate truth.
Inflating the small self with the power of the vision, leading to a savior complex rather than humble service.
Seeking to repeat the battle, instead of cultivating the quiet, daily practice of an open and forgiving heart.
This way of seeing, through the heart’s eye, is drunk on the wine of unity and can lose its footing on solid ground. It may not give enough weight to the very real dangers of unprepared journeys into such profound states, nor to the psychological stability required to navigate them. In seeing all suffering as a doorway to love, it risks romanticizing pain and can fail to appreciate the need for practical boundaries, psychological support, and structured integration. This perspective is impatient with discerning between genuine mystical insight and spiritual inflation, trusting that the river of love will eventually carry everything to the sea, sometimes underestimating the wreckage that can be caused by a flood.